I work in a place that has 100+ people in it every day. I was quite surprised when one of the guys approached me and asked if I wanted to go to Starbucks with him. Of course I said yes. We had a good first conversation and about a week later we bar hopped and went bowling. It was fun and we talked about this and that. I was especially curious on why a guy would like me. Most people see me as a young boy or immediately assume that I am a lesbian. He liked my playfulness and how I was not ‘fake’ like so many females are. That was the problem, he saw me as female. Now I am pre-hormones so this is not a surprising scenario. But I also know that a charade of deception as big as gender cannot go on for too long. Today I tried to tell him in person in the Starbucks where we had our first encounter. I was too chicken to get the words out. Instead I told him I had something important to say and that he could think it over. I explained as best as I could in text message once I got home and explained that it was private medical information and wanted to keep it that way. I do not need a place with 100+ workers spreading that kind of gossip around. He is a gentleman so I do not expect any problems. It was a deal breaker for him and I cried a little bit. It made me sad because I was so hopeful that it would not be a big deal for him. This has been the first guy interested in me since high school and the first since I discovered I was trans. I wanted to go out and have fun with him since I had not had that kind of experience in a long time. I know now that I should have said something right when he invited me for coffee but I held my tongue. I will learn from this experience, that is for sure. I do know that hormones will be the future but my decision for them will not be explained in this post.
Tomorrow will be my two years post op from top surgery. I did not die from it which could be hard to believe since I haven’t updated this in two years. Life has still happened in the meantime but I just got away from coming on here. I never backed away from the transness of it all but top surgery did make me more at ease within myself and bought me some time to decide on the future. I do not wake up every day with top dysphoria. Getting out of the house is not a chore of wrestling into a binder. I just put on some clothes and can be out of the house in 5 minutes if needed.
When I get the time, I plan to add posts of significant events from the past two years. I kept up with taking pictures of my chest for several months post op and wrote my thoughts down at the time. A lot has happened for the good in the past two years and there have been some hangups. I plan to start blogging again and hopefully will keep it going this time. There are some big decisions coming in my future and I hope the decisions that I do make will be the right ones.
It is now one year post op. I decided to try to the tape to see if it would help with the scars. My scars are not bad and do not really bug me but no scars are better than scars.
During: Had tape on about 5 days.
I really did not like how the tape was applied. It ended up making the scar bumpy in places. The tape really itches after a few days. The scars should settle down after awhile. Overall trying the tape once does not make that much of a difference. I think it would flatten the scars if left on but once it comes off they will slowly bounce back.